I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
