i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
