I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
