I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
