it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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