I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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