we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
