you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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