Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
