Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize