I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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