Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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