i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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