and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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