I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
