i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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