You work out of a Hotel?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
two words...techno handjob
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize