Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
