This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
