I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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