did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
