i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
