My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
