you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
