If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize