i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
