thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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