I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
