I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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