my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
