i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
