Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my phone needs a breathalizer
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
