LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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