Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found your dick twin last night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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