It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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