So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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