My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
