I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
