College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize