I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
