Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize