I'm really into asian looking animals
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
