That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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