with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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