That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
