I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ttyl tear gas
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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