we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
