im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
