he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize