if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
