im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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