I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
