It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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