somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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