She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
