official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My feet surprised me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
