Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
