the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
