I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
