Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
