At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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