I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
kristin has been a bad kristin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
