Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
