i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize