I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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