btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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