My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
