I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
