He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
