she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
BRING THE BAGELS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
