How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Text me some of your sweat
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
