I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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