his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
