He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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