I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
