She's JV to your varsity
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
