guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one might say we're banned from that church
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
