1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize