I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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