Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
