There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
