tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
