Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
