There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
