lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
