He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
