I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
