chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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