mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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