i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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