Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
