oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
