I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
