The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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