I'm gonna have a badass scar
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
