Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
