John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
